Dating someone who suffers from anxiety and depression can be hard. It’s incredibly painful to watch someone you care about experience. Not be able to know what to do to help them out. It can sometimes be frustrating to listen to the person you admire and value most talk about themselves with such negativity. In a way that you don’t view them as. Keeping balance in your relationship is vital.
You see, they genuinely believe that what they feel. How they see themselves is what others sincerely look in them. They have such a firm belief that they haven’t accomplished anything or that they have very little to live for. This can leave you feeling helpless, and confused. Not sure how to respond to them.
Depression has a loud and convincing voice that dominates the minds that it has attached to, and it makes it hard for those who suffer from this disease think anything but these thoughts. No matter how hard they try to push positivity in, they still always think about all the negative, and all of the things that they feel are wrong about them.
No-one is perfect, so something the person you want to be with happens to have this illness. You already know that there is so much more to them than this illness. Please know that you will never be able to cure their disease, so it doesn’t serve you any good to try and fix or change them.
It can be so difficult to argue with them about how they view themselves and their lives. But when they’re in a dark space within themselves, they are unable to see anything from your perspective.
Learn to cope that the person you are with has episodes that they don’t want to be having. Dive into learning how to live with depression. Instead of trying to treat their depression, offer empathy, care, and love. This is likely to bring closeness and bring your connection because you’re no longer trying to change their minds.
Creating Or Maintaining Balance
In a lot of relationships, we must always assess whether we should meet the needs of our partners, our own needs or the needs of the link. Finding a balance within these tends to lead us feeling fulfilled.
However; when one partner is suffering an illness such as anxiety or depression, it’s certainly easy to lose that balance because we want to do anything we can to help our partner feel better.
We tend to put their needs ahead of our own. Don’t get me wrong, this needs to happen but only for a short period. We need to find a balance between being able to take care of ourselves, as well as our partner. We all have some issues, so when you neglect to take care of yours and push them aside, they only will begin to get bigger and bigger over time.
To begin creating more balance in your relationship, you must acknowledge that you have needs and at least some of them must be met. Write down every time you believe you are noticing your partners needs over your own. Think about when it might be OK to put yourself first and to make a conscious choice to promote more balance in your relationship.
Supporting Your Partner During Their Suffering
When the care you offer your partner is not often helpful or well received, you eventually exhaust all options and are left feeling drained and shut down. And let’s face it, no-one wants to feel that way.
You may need to redefine what is helpful to your partner means. You can’t “fix” the depression, just like you can’t fix lupus. You’ll only become frustrated. Offering care in the form of support: Empathy, sympathetic, compassionate, and accepting in all ways without trying to change how they feel.
Remind them that you care for them. These words are like butter on toast – especially when they have a terrible episode. Be curious about what your partner is feeling, wanting and needing at the time.
It could be a simple hug, or holding them. Don’t assume you already know. Cause you know what they say when someone thinks right? When we offer this kind of care, we are showing our partner that we care and that we join them in their suffering.
Focusing On The Positive
When chaos comes in the form of not knowing what to do, or what to say, or how to change the situation, when things are difficult, it is helpful to remind yourself of the many reasons you care about your partner. Don’t focus solely on how they are when they don’t feel well. Support yourself in the relationship by focusing intentionally on your partner’s positive attributes.
This is important – Remember that your partner has an illness. It isn’t their fault that they can’t just shake it off. Although to those who don’t suffer from this illness think it’s incredibly easy to do so.
Practice being compassionate by thinking about how hard it is to live with this illness. Remember to show strength and remind yourself how much it takes to feel sick and in pain and still being able to choose to go on.
You and your partner can learn a new language that can help you communicate in a way that makes you feel heard and validated. All while promoting closeness. Maybe you’re thinking that proximity might not be the word to help when the partner is going through something, but you can learn ways to connect.
You can begin to practice new communication skills, which will help you partner learn them too. Since you know, communication is vital in any relationship.
Accepting the others experience without becoming defensive. This is key, becoming defensive to your partner’s words, or thoughts will set back everything you’ve worked so hard on. Support each other by checking in after the communication of feelings.
Clarify on subjects that may not have been perceived accurately, and work together to make a place of connection. It’s in the moments that you both express their hatred for depression that relationship can happen.
It’s also in the moments when both partners feel safe and understood, and understanding that their feelings are valid without being able to have to defend it. These are relational skills that are worth practicing for everyone!
We all want to have a healthy, fulfilling relationship with our partners. You and your partner are a team and have to approach things in a way that shows your on the same team. You’re rooting for them, and they are rooting for them. When a connection seems unlikely that is when it will, and it will surprise the both of you.
Relationships are complicated, and people come with illnesses, quirks, past traumas and a whole suitcase of skeletons and struggles. When we turn towards our partners, our relationships and ourselves, we learn to create closeness and work together.
Learning how to connect in our differences with others. Learning to communicate with our pain and our partner’s pain, is important because these elects exist in all relationships we have.
Take things one day at the time, know you can’t change or fix them, but learning to love them. Help guide them in reminding them that they aren’t alone is so incredibly talented.