If you let people walk all over you one time, they will continue to do the same thing over and over. The reality of life is that you have to be an excellent person, but you need to be one that people know they can’t test either.
I had this friend in high school that was one of the nicest people I had ever met. He did everything for everyone no matter what they asked; he was there for them. He ended up having sports taken away from him because of someone who he had given the most to. The person that he was the nicest to ended up being the person who hurt him the most.
Fast forward a lot of painful days later, many lessons were learned. When I say pain, I’m not talking about “I scraped my leg” pain, I am talking about “I am not sure if I want to continue living” pain. He is still a nice kid, but he is not the same kind kid. He is a nice kid that has limits and understands that there is a difference between being nice and being walked on. There is a difference between helping someone and crippling them.
People often mistake nice people for weak people. It is more than ok to be nice, and I always think people should strive to be excellent. In that same breath, it must also be known that you will not be abused. This same attitude is one that will carry over in “everything” that you do. You have to know when to say no, and when it is time to stand up for yourself.
Steps to Getting That Back Bone
1. Be a nice person and be respectful.
2. When you have a problem with someone just be honest and say what you feel.
3. If someone tries to cross that line allow him or her to because that is a shame on him or her.
4. If they try and cross that line two times, turn the nice switch off.
5. This does not have to result in you being rude or offensive, and it’s just time to get the point across.
The Cripple Factor
Parents cripple their kids sometimes, and they do not even know it. They think they are helping them or shielding them from the real world but in reality, they are just delaying the process of having to grow up.
There is a big difference between helping someone and being so nice that you’re hurting them. The saying “tough love” is one of the most authentic sayings known to man. “Tough love” forces anyone being taught the lesson to grow up. For example, say your friend goes and blows $2000 on clothes, tattoos, shoes, and partying then they realize they have no money to buy food and pay rent. Then they come to you and ask for some money, and you give it to them. You’re helping them temporarily, but in the long run, you’re damaging them. They would learn a true lesson with “tough love.” We all learn better when we have to feel the consequences of our actions.